I love money
I am amazed at the power of money to make me happy.
I am amazed at the ability of my intellect to make me feel greater degree of comfort with prospect of accumulating more money.
I am hurt by unjustified greed and misbehavior to perfectly innocent and trusting child because of money. I have to bear such unbearable.
I have to forever witness act of violence and cause of death for the greed. I have to no matter what distance I wish to keep. I suffered from my brothers death Kamal in the hands of my sisters because of his money.
I am suffering from loss of Cecilia because Joya's reluctance to provide care and love for her greed for money and business.
I have read about Socrates the great teacher. The teacher of great tolerance. I am reminded so often about Xanthippe.
My disappointment with all women I wished to love.
My mistake in creating me as I am.
I do not know what suffering Xanthippe had to suffer.
I know the last sentence of Socrates asking his disciple to keep his promise of Rooster to Sun God for death without suffering surrounded by his pupil drinking poison.
My poison is causing me lot of pain. Haunting memory of a very extraordinary child - Cecilia.
I already know the suffering of Didi.
I cannot sympathize with Chhordi for her lust for money, if she is suffering. With both of them I stayed away since they did not me to communicate with them.
Every one has to exit this world of relationship even though unbearable till it comes. I am looking to exit from my world before body is ridden off.
That is, I have to bear all suffering from separation in person while my body is live and infested.
I must wish all good or must not wish at all.
I know I have to suffer in silence bent head without any movement on protest. I cannot protect the victim. In my case it is Cecilia. Anne before that, Jessie ... all those I love and could not bear their torture at the hands of their care giver.
Must all relationship end with harsh and hurt feelings? Why my end is not like that of Socrates drinking poison and painless death in the presence of all my beloved?
My separation from my brother Kamal in his death separated me a few still living. This separated me from India forever. I knew his doctor Madhu as a Physician of low merit and ethics. He married his first cousin. Took ten years to complete his medical studies. He made totally wrong diagnosis of Kamal's illness. Injected him high dozes of chemo saying that he was having Blood Cancer. Despite I begged him to refrain from this treatment. Any alternate examination was prohibited by his gang that included Joya's Brother. Who told me if I say another word then Kamal would be removed and brought outside of the Nursing Home. They were corroborated by my two sisters and a first cousin. Even they tried to prevent my meeting with my brother. After first attack he was admitted in the hospital after second attack within a month he left the world. My 2 weeks in Kolkata revealed many to my eyes. I was mentally liberated from Joya. I came to know her to be a greedy woman. I cam to know her family and their culture. Hopelessly corrupted and polluted mind with greed for money for selfish possession. I no longer trust her and her family. There were condolence messages coming to me over phone. My co-brother in law who was pathologist at Manchester said to me - this was wrong diagnosis. I shared with him whatever test results I got from Madhu. There was another student of Advani the most famous Oncologist already said so. But my brother in law's violent rebuke quietened me since I was there in India for two weeks only staying in a hotel - heat and diarrhea. At this death the same man called me and said, Kamal death liberated me from all problems. While I was trying to settle whatever I could hoping that he shall be out of hospital I wanted to buy some Indian Rupee for $10,000. This same man refused and chastising me he is a honest man who cannot do such thing. I did not understand what dishonest proposal I gave to him? I gave the same check to his brother who gave half the amount and never replied when I asked for the rest after one year. I had known him as most dishonest medical practitioner and also betraying family man. He who broke my family too. I did not wish to see his face and hear him again in my life. Kamal's money did not come to his use. They were swindled and siphoned away by three persons my two sisters and Namu's son in most corrupted way by bank transfer and they buried Kamal's death certificate. They are now imprinted with unforgettable memory. They shall be born many a life time from this imprint. Joya's greed did not end. She took money from my sister for her children without anybody knowing. She tried to tell me that she had returned the money. I do not believe her.
Kamal's death liberated me from India and from all my Indian connections. I also learnt not to love money. I am not willing to fall for my temptation of money and ability to provide me security. Kamal death could not be put off even by single day. He died on 7th June 2012. 8th was his birthday. Despite all his money to provide for his treatment!
I got separated from my daughter recently and silently. I tried many times to bring her back to honest life. But she is also mothers daughter. For long time she took to the life of talk and cheap destination. It took her about one year to be cheap talkative. I presumed all is like me. My assumptions were wrong all is unlike me. There are many who come to USA who are really have not gone beyond high school. I did not know. My daughter was lured by them where there is no parental control. It is also destiny of USA. The lure for money and by any means. Why education? Once I asked my daughter. She answered in order to please me - education gives one the ability to discriminate from truth from false.
False is everywhere but absent is truth that is universal. We got a letter from the principal of her school, that she has not completed mandatory requirement to graduation. We were shocked since she made dean's list. She was going to school everyday! We went to school to find out. We waited for 2 hours to locate her. She was under bad influence. She almost abandoned studies. she spent 24 hours about in chat rooms. She barely made passing grade. She started with CSE and graduated with zoology.
She was fortunate and joined as a research assistant. In the college she was making unnecessary friends without much of taste. My purity was her distaste. She decided to marry some Indian with some temporary visa in Canada. She left to marry him raising some hue and cry. I was not opposed to this but her mothers family was. Now played some tricks telling everyone that I am a culprit on the run. I am a dishonest professional running away my home country. Knowing India today it was my good fortune that I was not innocent victim of other prevalent corrupted India. I could might as well be killed or given a lesson of goal term. Police was only bribed with $100. Had it been $5000 then I could be having broken arms and suffered at least a month in Jail. It is rule of law in India.
Cow belongs to him who holds the stick.
Would I have changed? No. My destiny is predetermined. Series of causes was forcing me to seek truth. Truth makes one free. One is always free.
She did not marry. Since they were not made for each other. Boy was looking to become US citizen by virtue of marrying a US citizen. She became US citizen a year earlier in order to marry. She also had overseas residential permit to stay in India. Sort of dual citizenship. Joya also has the same. She was very opposed because she felt that they may occupy her house. It is unfortunate that she shall never be able to live in that house even for one single day. She is having to many physical problems because of her addiction and lust for money. She is not able to leave US and settle in India. Her addiction to money. She saved about $200000 and SS benefit of $500 every month. Although I can pay off my mortgage remaining. I shall not since her whole remaining family will be in USA to throw me out. Her dear brothers daughter is getting married on 12th July. But she is not going. She has joint account with her brother.
Buddha I met in Badrinath, without my uttering a word described my situation - what do you do when police harass you? what do you do when court doles out wrong verdict? what do you do when almighty devastate your home and earning?
I do not have to seek justice but bear. I cannot be wrong.
A few months back she left home. I asked Zinia to come back. This time she sought another neighbor to be her father get her married of. She did not have the strength to ask me. Once she asked me to meet the boy but I did not. I told her knowing her I know this marriage cannot last. She left my house and started living with him. This neighbor came to me. I told him that I am old and I have not made a compromise in my life. I am going to make one now. I would like to know what is the boys residency status in USA. I must know and verify his education. I must speak with his blood relation and parentage. He is divorced and like to know reason. He divorced in 2012. This boy cannot leave US. Zinia is his future residency permit. He is claiming graduate degree but his only high school educated. He cannot have a degree in USA with his education. He apparently working for Google! Him is not only case in Google. He joined in October last year. Apparently he got the job May 2017.
I am not entirely happy about purchase power of money.
I am happy that Zinia partially moved her attention towards education away from possessing a boy. She appears to have completed Master degree in Medical Administration. She tried to get admission in Medicine three times. But her attention was elsewhere.
Part unknown. however I know quite a bit of me. One for example - I am my creator as well as creator of my world. My created world is 100% lie. I contain it but absent otherwise. I have to see all no escape. I remember all no escape. Rest if any is unknown about me. Relative to my world it is absolute. When lit day it is day. When lit night it is night. When lit dream it is dream.when lit sleep it is sleep.
I live my own life no escape. I think my own thoughts no escape. I see all no escape.
absolute ~ nothing can be changed
It is quite useless to remember when every moment is exactly same and identical
I am amazed at the ability of my intellect to make me feel greater degree of comfort with prospect of accumulating more money.
I am hurt by unjustified greed and misbehavior to perfectly innocent and trusting child because of money. I have to bear such unbearable.
I have to forever witness act of violence and cause of death for the greed. I have to no matter what distance I wish to keep. I suffered from my brothers death Kamal in the hands of my sisters because of his money.
I am suffering from loss of Cecilia because Joya's reluctance to provide care and love for her greed for money and business.
I have read about Socrates the great teacher. The teacher of great tolerance. I am reminded so often about Xanthippe.
My disappointment with all women I wished to love.
My mistake in creating me as I am.
I do not know what suffering Xanthippe had to suffer.
I know the last sentence of Socrates asking his disciple to keep his promise of Rooster to Sun God for death without suffering surrounded by his pupil drinking poison.
My poison is causing me lot of pain. Haunting memory of a very extraordinary child - Cecilia.
I already know the suffering of Didi.
I cannot sympathize with Chhordi for her lust for money, if she is suffering. With both of them I stayed away since they did not me to communicate with them.
Every one has to exit this world of relationship even though unbearable till it comes. I am looking to exit from my world before body is ridden off.
That is, I have to bear all suffering from separation in person while my body is live and infested.
I must wish all good or must not wish at all.
I know I have to suffer in silence bent head without any movement on protest. I cannot protect the victim. In my case it is Cecilia. Anne before that, Jessie ... all those I love and could not bear their torture at the hands of their care giver.
Must all relationship end with harsh and hurt feelings? Why my end is not like that of Socrates drinking poison and painless death in the presence of all my beloved?
My separation from my brother Kamal in his death separated me a few still living. This separated me from India forever. I knew his doctor Madhu as a Physician of low merit and ethics. He married his first cousin. Took ten years to complete his medical studies. He made totally wrong diagnosis of Kamal's illness. Injected him high dozes of chemo saying that he was having Blood Cancer. Despite I begged him to refrain from this treatment. Any alternate examination was prohibited by his gang that included Joya's Brother. Who told me if I say another word then Kamal would be removed and brought outside of the Nursing Home. They were corroborated by my two sisters and a first cousin. Even they tried to prevent my meeting with my brother. After first attack he was admitted in the hospital after second attack within a month he left the world. My 2 weeks in Kolkata revealed many to my eyes. I was mentally liberated from Joya. I came to know her to be a greedy woman. I cam to know her family and their culture. Hopelessly corrupted and polluted mind with greed for money for selfish possession. I no longer trust her and her family. There were condolence messages coming to me over phone. My co-brother in law who was pathologist at Manchester said to me - this was wrong diagnosis. I shared with him whatever test results I got from Madhu. There was another student of Advani the most famous Oncologist already said so. But my brother in law's violent rebuke quietened me since I was there in India for two weeks only staying in a hotel - heat and diarrhea. At this death the same man called me and said, Kamal death liberated me from all problems. While I was trying to settle whatever I could hoping that he shall be out of hospital I wanted to buy some Indian Rupee for $10,000. This same man refused and chastising me he is a honest man who cannot do such thing. I did not understand what dishonest proposal I gave to him? I gave the same check to his brother who gave half the amount and never replied when I asked for the rest after one year. I had known him as most dishonest medical practitioner and also betraying family man. He who broke my family too. I did not wish to see his face and hear him again in my life. Kamal's money did not come to his use. They were swindled and siphoned away by three persons my two sisters and Namu's son in most corrupted way by bank transfer and they buried Kamal's death certificate. They are now imprinted with unforgettable memory. They shall be born many a life time from this imprint. Joya's greed did not end. She took money from my sister for her children without anybody knowing. She tried to tell me that she had returned the money. I do not believe her.
Kamal's death liberated me from India and from all my Indian connections. I also learnt not to love money. I am not willing to fall for my temptation of money and ability to provide me security. Kamal death could not be put off even by single day. He died on 7th June 2012. 8th was his birthday. Despite all his money to provide for his treatment!
I got separated from my daughter recently and silently. I tried many times to bring her back to honest life. But she is also mothers daughter. For long time she took to the life of talk and cheap destination. It took her about one year to be cheap talkative. I presumed all is like me. My assumptions were wrong all is unlike me. There are many who come to USA who are really have not gone beyond high school. I did not know. My daughter was lured by them where there is no parental control. It is also destiny of USA. The lure for money and by any means. Why education? Once I asked my daughter. She answered in order to please me - education gives one the ability to discriminate from truth from false.
False is everywhere but absent is truth that is universal. We got a letter from the principal of her school, that she has not completed mandatory requirement to graduation. We were shocked since she made dean's list. She was going to school everyday! We went to school to find out. We waited for 2 hours to locate her. She was under bad influence. She almost abandoned studies. she spent 24 hours about in chat rooms. She barely made passing grade. She started with CSE and graduated with zoology.
She was fortunate and joined as a research assistant. In the college she was making unnecessary friends without much of taste. My purity was her distaste. She decided to marry some Indian with some temporary visa in Canada. She left to marry him raising some hue and cry. I was not opposed to this but her mothers family was. Now played some tricks telling everyone that I am a culprit on the run. I am a dishonest professional running away my home country. Knowing India today it was my good fortune that I was not innocent victim of other prevalent corrupted India. I could might as well be killed or given a lesson of goal term. Police was only bribed with $100. Had it been $5000 then I could be having broken arms and suffered at least a month in Jail. It is rule of law in India.
Cow belongs to him who holds the stick.
Would I have changed? No. My destiny is predetermined. Series of causes was forcing me to seek truth. Truth makes one free. One is always free.
She did not marry. Since they were not made for each other. Boy was looking to become US citizen by virtue of marrying a US citizen. She became US citizen a year earlier in order to marry. She also had overseas residential permit to stay in India. Sort of dual citizenship. Joya also has the same. She was very opposed because she felt that they may occupy her house. It is unfortunate that she shall never be able to live in that house even for one single day. She is having to many physical problems because of her addiction and lust for money. She is not able to leave US and settle in India. Her addiction to money. She saved about $200000 and SS benefit of $500 every month. Although I can pay off my mortgage remaining. I shall not since her whole remaining family will be in USA to throw me out. Her dear brothers daughter is getting married on 12th July. But she is not going. She has joint account with her brother.
Buddha I met in Badrinath, without my uttering a word described my situation - what do you do when police harass you? what do you do when court doles out wrong verdict? what do you do when almighty devastate your home and earning?
I do not have to seek justice but bear. I cannot be wrong.
A few months back she left home. I asked Zinia to come back. This time she sought another neighbor to be her father get her married of. She did not have the strength to ask me. Once she asked me to meet the boy but I did not. I told her knowing her I know this marriage cannot last. She left my house and started living with him. This neighbor came to me. I told him that I am old and I have not made a compromise in my life. I am going to make one now. I would like to know what is the boys residency status in USA. I must know and verify his education. I must speak with his blood relation and parentage. He is divorced and like to know reason. He divorced in 2012. This boy cannot leave US. Zinia is his future residency permit. He is claiming graduate degree but his only high school educated. He cannot have a degree in USA with his education. He apparently working for Google! Him is not only case in Google. He joined in October last year. Apparently he got the job May 2017.
I am not entirely happy about purchase power of money.
I am happy that Zinia partially moved her attention towards education away from possessing a boy. She appears to have completed Master degree in Medical Administration. She tried to get admission in Medicine three times. But her attention was elsewhere.
Part unknown. however I know quite a bit of me. One for example - I am my creator as well as creator of my world. My created world is 100% lie. I contain it but absent otherwise. I have to see all no escape. I remember all no escape. Rest if any is unknown about me. Relative to my world it is absolute. When lit day it is day. When lit night it is night. When lit dream it is dream.when lit sleep it is sleep.
I live my own life no escape. I think my own thoughts no escape. I see all no escape.
absolute ~ nothing can be changed
It is quite useless to remember when every moment is exactly same and identical
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