I cannot bear separation

Last night Cecilia's face was disturbing me. I went to bed unable to do anything. I had very disturbed night. I was very upset with Joya. As if she was responsible for this separation. This forcible separation of my heart was done by Joya. Although it is done by me. My hidden hand works through other people to pain me and I hopeless go insane unable to bear separation.

As if my separation from Chhorda was caused by Chhordi or Madhu. All of them are shadows incapable of doing anything unless the show was produced directed and presented by me and seen by me.

The only audience of the show.

I love love. I hate the unbearable separation. My heart bleeding from separation I have to bear in silence lying down incapable of doing anything. What a painful outcome for loving Cecilia.

That is nature of that murderer me. As if I did not know me. Did I not get married in the first place to love someone who would not leave me? I know today none ever can leave me ~ all is me. When the ocean snatched away the most beautiful creation I made of ... Chhorda - he was gone forever

I hate memories. I promise me again and again I shall not remember but am I capable of forgetting?

I am haunted with memories of chhorda ma .... cecilia ~ my tongue rolling out of me travelling time and distance to reach out to my love  - my own creations destroyed in a single wave - I saw moment by its coming but I cannot stop. It is my nature - dharma.

I knew me before the day I was born. I am never ending serial. I am the only audience. everyone everything is in my mind.

I am complete. It is impossible to change. All is divinity.

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